Hot Sensuous Teens Want Me?

I’m puzzled. I live a relatively decorous life. I tend to behave in public, although I do apologize to lamp posts and low tree branches when I bump into them. Carelessness is part of my blundering about in the world.

But, I don’t cavort or attend amateur nights at Hooters. I don’t order bawdy books or vegetable shaped marital aids from anywhere. I don’t go to chat rooms. There’s nothing in my AOL profile that mentions pierced body parts, breast enhancement, hot dogs, or thongs.

I don’t even get the Victoria’s Secret catalogue anymore. Much to my husband’s disappointment. Although I’m not sure how I got on their list either.

So, I wonder why it is that I get questionable, unsolicited email entreating me to enjoy cyberbabes frolicking in hot tubs. I don’t want to. I never do. So why am I on a list, blind or otherwise?

Plesure can be yours…

invite yourself…just seconds

away from enjoying Pure Ecstacy!

Well, hell. If they can’t even spell “pleasure” or “Ecstasy” correctly, perhaps these folks might not know much about either. Or my version of both. Girl Scout Thin Mints are involved.

Speaking of cookies….and please understand that I am a Computer Ignoramus…the only thing I can think of is this: I’ve got cookies hidden somewhere on my web record that is telling men who dress in gold chains and have obvious comb-overs about me. But they are wrong.

The cookies might be spreading the word that I am a tattooed, gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, wandering hetero teen-age, middle-age, lonely voyeur who loves “Do Me” shoes, whips, and smut cams, Live! Live! Live!

Why would a cookie do this? I believe I have figured it out. Two years ago, when we moved south, we needed furniture for our new living room. I didn’t know where I was or where to go. So, of course I did a web search to find out where I could get a couple of couches made quickly.

Because I am a careless bumbler and the dog is allowed on the furniture I decided to get leather. I typed in Leather Center, a chain of stores that promises two week delivery.

Get it? LEATHER! It was an innocent word search. I had to go take a cold shower after I found what I was looking for what with all the other kinds of offerings that got triggered by my innocuous quest.

It’s either that, or someone remembers a party I went to in nineteen seventy-five. I swear I didn’t stay long.